Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
