Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
