I feel like abortions should bother me more
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
