I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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