guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
