So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize