I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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