I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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