yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
