I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
