You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
