my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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