So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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