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Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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