Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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