If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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