I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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