cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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