Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
