Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
