I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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