ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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