Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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