Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
