you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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