Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
