On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
my being single is dangerous.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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