Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
