Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
