So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
