he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
