i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
