This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
