At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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