This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
