This is not my ceiling
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
