there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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