Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
