He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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