So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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