They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
