Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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