I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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