respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
