i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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