you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
