girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
