you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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