there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
