dude i'm inner monologue high
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
