Nicole vs. Life
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
