My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
