I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
