Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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