My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
