Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We need to get me chipped asap
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
