it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
