Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Mom said you looked used
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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