suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
