We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
