She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
